Parents, educators and local residents gathered at the library at Agoura High School on Wednesday night for a community forum spurred by the deaths of three young men, and the most pressing question that arose from the crowd was, “Why?”

Why did Joshua A. Feinberg, an Agoura native and student at Santa Barbara City College, jump 100 feet to his death Oct. 26 at Rindge Dam in Malibu, the victim of a suicide? Why did Agoura High senior Dan Behar commit suicide on Oct. 31 by intentionally driving his car off Piuma Road near Cold Canyon Road?

And why was Agoura resident Griffen Kramer, a backup quarterback for the Thousand Oaks High School football team, found dead Oct. 30 from alcohol poisoning at a friend's home?

The answers that arose were complex, and many topics were discussed among the bewildered group of concerned parents and educators, including heroin abuse, parent-condoned teen drinking and depression.

The meeting, led by Risa Gruberger and Alan Ludington, both of whom are certified family therapists, was held a day after two school assemblies in which teachers reached out to students to “show them that they care,” said Dave Moorman, a school board member with the district.

Moorman, attending the meeting with his wife, Kristy, is no stranger to grief. In 2009, the couple's 12-year-old daughter was killed while she was vacationing with a friend in Italy.

“We had so many people from this community come to support us,” Moorman said. “It’s very difficult to lose a child. … You really see the [sense of] community here when something like this happens.”

He said Wednesday's forum provided an opportunity to support parents while gauging what needs to be done by parents and the district to address these problems.

“Suicide happens like dominoes,” said Ludington to a crowd of attentive parents. “Pay close to attention to [your children] and monitor them on a daily basis,” he said.

Suicide can affect kids, depending on their proximity to the victims, he said.

He outlined signs parents can look for to identify depression, such as increased agitation, apathy, decreased pleasure in daily activities, withdrawal and isolation. Ludington went into vivid detail about “cutting” and other self-destructive behavior he has seen in his more than 30 years on the job, which made some in the audience cringe.

“You have to see the constellation of symbols,” he said. “Look for signs and talk to [your children]. … The most important thing is to talk to your child about suicide. … If they flash you the 'no' card, don’t give up.”

The forum also spoke of parents who allow their teens to drink in a controlled environment. The logic of allowing kids to drink at home because parents know they are going to anyway is akin to saying, “We know my kid is going to speed; why don’t we give them a pass to drive any speed they want to go?” Ludington said. 

He said that Kramer, son of former NFL quarterback Erik Kramer, may have been drinking at one such party before he was found dead the next day.

“There is going to be a lot of prosecution and follow-through because of what happened,” he said. It is illegal for adults to supply alcohol to teens, he said.

As an example of the "pervasive culture of alcohol abuse among teens," he said, even after last week's heartfelt vigil held at Agoura High following the three deaths, some of Kramer’s friends went out and got “blasted” to deal with the loss.

“Everybody knows [what the problem is] and nobody talks about it. It’s drugs, and it’s very serious,” said an Agoura High parent, who wished to stay anonymous, to the packed room. “We are not just talking about pot [and alcohol].”

“There is a lot of heroin in this town,” Ludington said to the audience. Black tar heroin is rampant here in Agoura Hills, he said.

“Half of the parents in this room know who these kids [selling the drugs] are and we are still letting them into our homes,”  said the anonymous parent.

Research has shown that targeting the suppliers doesn’t solve the problem, but if the demand for drugs is lowered, the supply will dwindle, Ludington responded. He said the reason programs like D.A.R.E. don’t work is because they ask kids “to just say no” and the people who really need to be educated are the parents.

“The important piece here is to know the signs of depression and be able to identify that,” Gruberger said.

In response to community concerns, the Ludington Institute for Family Enrichment will be offering a free weekly support group to high school students in the Conejo Valley.

“There has been an incredible collaboration since this happened with the kids,” said Gruberger. “Agoura High taking the lead in this has really helped this not get totally out of control. ... We have to not wait for these tragedies to happen, we have to talk about how we can be different now.”

The weekly support group will be held every Sunday from 3 to 4:30 p.m., starting Nov. 20 at the Ludington Institute, 875 S. Westlake Blvd., Suite 211, Westlake Village.